Closing the loop

So, for the two or so people who actually read this, I realize I left you hanging…it wasn’t very fair of me, was it? Well, just to close the loop, all is fine with the biopsy…it came back benign. The relief I felt really can’t be described. I’m left with a very small scar, which continues to diminish with time…

I don’t know why, but I really like this…

Biopsy

Tomorrow is the big day. I have a valium. My hubby will be with me (not while they actually do the procedure…). I am quite anxious. I hope I find out the results quickly so I can put all to rest.

Indeterminate

If you were told you had a one in four chance of winning the lottery, would you be excited? Would you feel like you had a pretty good chance of winning?

If four out of five dentists recommend using fluoride toothpaste, wouldn’t you do it because most of them say you should?

Here is my conundrum. I had a mammogram yesterday – the second in a month – to take a closer look at some breast calcifications. The result was that they are ‘Indeterminate’ calcifications. They want to do a biopsy. The statistic is that of the women who have a biopsy, 22% (or 1 out of 4, as stated on CPMC.org website) turn out to be malignant.

Which side of the statistic would you want to be on? I am trying to stay positive, but jesus. It’s scary.

Where have I been?

If anyone is bothering to still read this after it’s been soooo long since I’ve posted, thank you for that.

I have been completely consumed by work…it is so busy right now that I don’t even have time to play Scramble on Facebook. *gasp*

Also, I’ve been working on a post that captures the essence of Jonah…seems like Zoe is getting all the attention on here lately, so my little man needs some airtime too.

Anyway, just wanted to say, still here. Just totally swamped. Going to Dallas next week for work. Then home for a week. Then to Las Vegas for four days for work again.

Oh yeah…I’m also trying to learn how to play the guitar. I’ll be back.

Expert worrier

So, after TOTALLY freaking out all day, I finally found someone at Delta who would confirm that yes, my family got on the plane and are now on their way home. Then I got an email from Jean telling me the same.

Thank the heavens.

Anxiety

It is 11:44 pm and I cannot sleep. My kids and husband are in Mexico visiting his dad and stepmom who are mostly retired and cruising around on their sailboat. I think they are near Santa Rosalia, but I haven’t heard from them since yesterday morning and now I am FREAKING OUT.

I keep telling myself that everything is okay, that I should remember Ockham’s Razor…”All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.” But then the anxiety devil steps in and tells me what horrible things MIGHT have happened. Yesterday morning, I got this email:

Alison,
We are off to explore Santa Rosalia today. Stan and Jonah are off on a zodiac ride, and Zoe is feeding fish and playing with Bill in the cock pit while we get ready for the trip. The engine is running to charge up the batteries.

The fish that we feed include: sergeant majors (yellow and black stripes), salt water cat fish (with whiskers), and spotted mackerels.

We will write more tonight.
Jean

I haven’t received any other emails. One who was not paranoid and anxiety ridden might conclude that a) they are having a great time and haven’t had time to email b) they are having trouble connecting because they are, after all, on a sail boat, or c) they forgot and don’t realize I am FREAKING OUT.

Please tell me that I’m just being paranoid and anxious and that all will be well. They are coming home tomorrow, and you can be sure that I will be calling the airport to make sure they got on their plane. I can’t wait to hold my babies. It’s been too long.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Way back in the pre-kids days, I used to go sailing almost every weekend in the summer. It’s the thing I miss the most about my pre-mommy days. And tomorrow…it’s true…I get to go sailing! I’m sure I’ll be rusty but I don’t care. We aren’t sailing on our own boat, but in a way that makes it a little easier since we won’t have to put the boat away after the race. I’ll report on how it goes – hopefully I won’t break anything on the boat or on me.

Making Friends

This goes back to my very first post, where I talked about my philosophy of how people make connections throughout life. Some last, some don’t. Sometimes you make a connection with someone because your ‘bubblegum’ is made of similar stuff.

I’m writing this post because I realize that my old definition of how one could make friends has evolved. Or maybe I’m writing this post to acknowledge some new friends. I think the latter is probably why I’m writing this.

I am pretty accustomed to making friends at work. Tonight, however, took me a bit by surprise. I am at an off-site meeting for work and after dinner we went to the bar to have some drinks and continue socializing. I ended up chatting with a couple of the women in my group. I should preface this all by saying that I have been in this new job now for 7 1/2 months. However, I found the transition to be a little difficult because I was leaving such good friends at my old job. But today, and tonight especially, I realized that I have people around me that I can really become friends with. We had a discussion tonight about religion, God, atheism, spirituality, etc. I shared with them my Bubblegum theory. I think they got it. I don’t know if they agreed with it, but they got it. And we had such a great discussion. I don’t normally chat with people about religion, or lack thereof. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I did. But it was a great conversation.

The other thing that prompted me to write tonight are two of my friends – one new, one old. I read a blog entry and responded to this with an email to Anne. I ended up sending the email to another Anne that I know by accident (thanks, Yahoo! address book…). However, it reconnected me to someone I haven’t talked to in a long time, but is another friend whose bond seems to remain strong. This bond remains even though we didn’t know each other very long and she now lives a long way away, but it has also been years since we’ve seen each other in person. Yet I still feel connected to her.

The other friend – Anne, is someone I have never met. Or talked to. I found her blog by accident one day, years ago. She had two daughters, I had one. A few months after I started reading her blog, I found out I was pregnant, somewhat unexpectedly. Then she found out she was pregnant too. Also unexpectedly. Since then, I read her blog regularly and I feel like she is one of my friends. She seems to have many of the same challenges, conflicts, likes, etc.

Years ago I would never have believed that you could make friends with someone you’ve never met. Or that one conversation could make you realize that new friends are right in front of you. I know better now. And I’m thankful.

Meme: I’ve been tagged!

This is my very first meme…it’s so exciting! I’ll do my best to share something interesting, funny, just revealing enough to keep you reading. Here goes.

1. I talk to one or both of my sisters on the phone almost every day.

2. I have an irrational fear of spiders. I know it is irrational, but that doesn’t help. Even looking at a picture of a spider makes my heart race. I almost crashed my car while driving from Santa Cruz to Oceanside because a jumping spider decided to jump straight towards my face. Don’t know why it was in my car in the first place. My other fears include claustrophobia and enochlophobia, especially as the latter relates to mosh pits at concerts.

3. I didn’t have a date for my high school prom, so I went with my best friend instead. Actually, we DID have dates – my (soon-to-be ex) boyfriend and his best friend. Then his parents found out I wasn’t Mormon, so taking me to the prom was out of the question. The thing was, my best friend and I were nominated prom princesses (I know…*gag*) so we decided that lack of dates wasn’t going to keep us from our glory. We went to a drive thru mexican food place for dinner. Then VW we were driving stalled and wouldn’t start again. As I was trying to call one of our parents on a pay phone (yes, I am old enough that that was BEFORE cell phones), a car full of Marines drove past screaming, “Lookin’ for a date, baby?” Sadly, my answer would have to be yes, though I kept silent. I ended up push starting the car in my prom dress and high heels. Neither of us won prom queen (thankfully), but after that everyone at school decided we must be lesbians. And that is my prom story.

4. Many years ago, I was on the cover of Sailing magazine along with Stan, my MIL, and two other crew members. We were not aware that we were on the cover, until Stan saw it on the magazine rack in West Marine.

5. I love Vosges chocolate, especially the Goji bar. The runner up is the Barcelona bar.

6. I am convinced that some day I will win the lottery. It just has to happen.

7. When I am feeling stressed, I often count my steps as I am walking somewhere. My sister calls this my ‘counting disorder’.

Okay…now I’m no longer a meme virgin. The only other blog I can think to tag would be Mrs. Flinger. Thanks for tagging me, Anne!